If I could do what I would like to do,
I'd give a special Christmas gift to you.
No fancy package or a satin bow - -
Just magic wishes for the ones I know.

I'd zig your body where it might have zagged,
And lift you up in places that have sagged.
You'd wear no bridge to fill a toothless space,
Or store-bought teeth designed to warp your face.

I'd make you slim without one diet pill,
And folks would never know you've climbed the hill.
I'd take away the fat beneath your chin,
And you could find your hidden neck again.

I'd mix a tasty drink to end all pain,
And you could throw away your walking cane.
Then I'd perfect a good cholesterol,
So greasy food would be the best of all.

I'd plant a button just beneath your skin,
That you could punch to hold your stomach in.
And then to prove how much I really care,
I'd put a motor on your rocking chair.

But since the gifts that you'd receive from me
Cannot be placed beneath a Christmas tree,
I wish you loads of love and Christmas cheer,
And may God Bless you day by day next year.