The Lord's Grace

Christian Humor

Funny Headlines
29 Sep 2005

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police suspect Homicide [they may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough?]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that sign right?

In an office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office: WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling!